My Humps? I Ain't Heard of That.


About an half hour ago as I chatted away on the phone with my sperm donor, my television begin to blast a song that I've never heard before. If you haven't already had the opportunity to hear "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas just know that you are blessed and one of God's chosen people. You can watch the video over at Launch. Be advised that you may contemplate suicide afterwards.

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
She's got me spendin'.

Spendin all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
Spendin' all your money on me, on me, on me.

I'd rather be front row at a Pretty Rickey concert than watch that shit again. To add salt to the wound there is not one big ass anywhere to be found in the vid. I'm definitely not anywhere in Trina or Serena Williams territory but I do remember a young negra boy telling me that I was "thicker than cold grits" in my 12th grade gym class. So I can appreciate a big ass tribute every now and then.

Clearly these niggas ran out of shit to talk about. What you gon do wit all that breast?

I hate to say it but if you brought that cd --or even took the time to download it-- there is a slim chance that you may be borderline insane. "Coon Business" would have been a much more appropriate album title.

edit - I almost forgot I had these pictures of Fergie and Mike Tyson. Yes Mike Tyson. He looks like he's ready to take a bite outta that fresh white meat of her's in this picture. Ha ha. Um, and can somebody send Ms. Fergie a memo that she is not Gwen Stefani? Thanks.

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Use don't abuse (ie. adding me to your site's mailing list). And for the love of God please stop sending mp3 files of your music. I am not Clive Davis and to be frank I probably don't want to hear the shit anyway. You should also know that I take my slow, precious time responding to email. And sometimes I don't respond at all. Fresh.crunkjuice@gmail.com



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