Notice: Please take some time out to visit BH and download the borderline ignant tune "Hoe Sit Down" before you read the following.

I honestly had every single intention of not doing a post at all today. I decided earlier this morning that I was going to download some music, catch upon some of my personal favorite sites, and finally sort through my email. And then I came across this fuckin' brilliant post by my chica Es over at Beautiful Hustle. Her entry gave me inspiration to open up Notepad and get busy. So yes I ripped off this idea but unlike most cyber cats I give full 100 percent credit for doing so (if you're feeling salty right now than you're probably guilty). So let's go!

T.Error Mari

T.Error Mari is one of the many reasons that my 13 year old cousin's sex life is jumping off more than mine. The first time I saw her Ashanti-dance across my tv screen I almost instantly knew that I was not feeling this little girl. I don't know about ya'll but when I was 17 years old I was hosting pep rallies, rapping on the back of the bus, burning cd's to slang at school and trying to cram for exams. The last thing I was ever concerned with was telling "a nigga when to call me" because I was too damn busy. But I guess all of that would made me lame in some of the eyes of my fellow classmates who were on that T.Error Mari tip. I graduated and didn't have two kids by the time of my 19th birthday from a boy trying to play man who made me feel real good. Half of my life I my Pop's was absent from the picture and I didn't go wild. Bitch please. I mean just look. This poor child is so confused she forgot that she had a nail missing when she came on the set for her photo shoot. Hoe sit down!

Eva Longoria

For about three months I was totally oblivious to "Desperate Housewives" debut on ABC. I was too consumed with school and work to actually sit down and watch anything on television. But as soon as I came back home my television screen was straight bombarded with images of those bitches from Wisteria Lane. But one of them stood out a little more than the others. Can anyone tell me what's so special about this broad? She has the body of an 11 year old boy and a face that screams Fivel (yeah that Fivel). Plus she got them DMX / Ja Rule crackhead
bottom teeth. Tramp had the nerve to get salty about not getting nominated for an Emmy. After slutting around Hollywood for a couple of months she now apparently has Tony Parker pussy whipped. I'm happy for both of them, really I am. *sarcasm* I just don't think I have to be subjected to their public displays of affection everytime I turn on my fucking television. Hoe sit down!

Bobby Valentino

A couple of days ago I was conversing with Will about my utter distaste for Bobby V. Other than the fact that he makes terrible ass music (literally, all this little fuck sings about is booty) I have a couple of homies who went to Clark with him who had me crying about how he used to get clowned around campus. This is before his "blew up" (if you want to call it that) and signed with DTP. Folks used to call his cell phone singing "Blackberry Molasses" just to fuck with him. I could sit here and type a couple more stories but let's just leave it at that one. Thank God for Luda because they had that nigga runnin laps around campus. I'm a relatively short chick (I'm a whopping 5'3") and I honestly think I could fight this nigga and win. Hoe sit down!

Lil' Romeo

I'll be the first to admit that I don't like Lil' Romeo for the pure fact that he is the offspring of Percy Miller. But the reasons for my dislike doesn't stop there. This morning I decided to bite the bullet and watch the tragedy that is "106 and Park". Romeo came through to premiere his new video called "Cutt" which is a watered down version of the song "I Can Tell You Wanna Fuck" by the 504 Boyz (the only reason that I know about this song is because I have a cousin who used to blast it in the car when we would parking lot pimp after the club, just ignant). I couldn't believe my eyes or ears. The same lil' nigga who has a show on Nickelodeon my eight year old cousin watches religiously is trying to give me tips on how to get my stroke on? Fukouttahea. Hoe sit down!

Honorable Mentions

Melyssa Ford: She wouldn't have never made this list if it weren't for her lil' siddity act at the pre-show for "BET 25 Strong." Last night I while I was channel surfing I saw her in a commercial for "sexy text chat." Blah.

J-Nicks (the new host of "Rap City") : Who are you and where did you come from?

Pastor Troy : This is the only nigga I know other than Lil' Scrappy who who gets beat the hell up in the club off his own record. My people in Augusta, Georgia already know.

My Mini Me : You will never do it like I. Point.Blank.Period.

Charlie Wilson : You're too old to be told.

People Who Wear A Bathing Ape Gear like the shit new, ha!

So you do you want to tell to sit down to? Holla back.

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Use don't abuse (ie. adding me to your site's mailing list). And for the love of God please stop sending mp3 files of your music. I am not Clive Davis and to be frank I probably don't want to hear the shit anyway. You should also know that I take my slow, precious time responding to email. And sometimes I don't respond at all. Fresh.crunkjuice@gmail.com



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