CRUNK + DISORDERLY // IT'S ONLY ENTERTAINMENT!

2.13.2008

Star Tracks: Forest + Keisha Whitaker

SMILE WIT' CHO EYES CHILD!

Ha, I've been waiting to use that picture for days.

But I digress.

When Forest is around the panty pudding comes tumbling down. Sorry Keisha, I'm just telling how it is, ma. Mr. and Mrs. Whitaker held down Boston Common Magazine's 2nd Anniversary Party on Tuesday night. The Last King of Wonkland and his Queen looked great as always.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 7:18 PM

1.22.2008

I'm Just Saying . . .

A picture is worth a thousand words. Therefore, I don't have anything to say about Jonathan's wonk game.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 12:58 PM

11.14.2007

Damn It!

Alright so you got me. Forest's wonk game is almost untraceable in these pictures. You better enjoy this while you can because the second he slips up I am going to do a post about it.

The entire Whitaker gang came out to with mom to the Kissable Couture launch in Los Angeles last night. Awww, mini-whitakettes.

Earlier this month F Dubb teamed up to develop "DEWmocracy," a virtual world that will allow consumers to create the next Mountain Dew beverage online. 'Cause scattered eyes and soda go hand in hand.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 1:26 PM

10.03.2007

You Know You Want To Smash

Tell the truth and shame the devil, you wouldn't hit this?

~~Shittar~~ Schatar "Hottie" Taylor had a busy night at the 2007 Fox Reality Channel Really Awards on Tuesday. She presented, performed, and looked putrid. My hero.

I'm just saying, why is she always dressed like the low income housing version of one of these scary ass dolls?

Ole!

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 10:47 AM

9.12.2007

Foot Soldier

Need more proof that we are living in the last days? Look no further.

Meet Carlton Davis.

The Minnesota man, 26, is facing felony charges for allegedly stealing a cell phone and purse from a woman he mugged on a St. Paul street early Saturday morning.

According to police, after the woman turned over her belongings, Davis announced, "Now I'm going to suck your feet." Which he did, after the 24-year-old victim removed her shoes. Davis, who fled when passersby approached, was apprehended by cops a few blocks from the crime scene.

He was booked into the Ramsey County lockup, where his mug shot was snapped.

My soul's publicist declined to comment.

[Thanks R Love & Ana]

Labels: Why Must I Cry?, Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 1:21 PM

6.25.2007

The Hills Have Eyes

BET Awards Backstage Creations Talent Retreat

I love Jennifer Holliday like long weekends and free cable but I never realized her wonk game was so strong. Seriously, her eyes are scattered like hash browns. It looks like if you press down on her eye lids those things are going to pop up like the dice inside that plastic bubble on the Trouble game board.

Yeah, I don't think I am going to bother reproducing. I talk about people entirely too damn much.

[Thanks Reen for destroying me, thanks a lot.]

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 5:28 PM

5.22.2007

Hottie Wants Her 40 Acres And A Mule

After the latest episode of Charm School aired on Sunday, ~~Shittar~~ Schatar sent an angry email to the VH1 blog staff demanding that it be posted. This negro is delusional.

Let's keep it real. The judges should have kept it tight and reviewed the film the same way they did for the etiquette segment.

My character was defamed. This was obvious and clear bias. I was crucified - hung on an emotional cross!

Hugs don't get it. We are out here in the real world.

I demand a PUBLIC APOLOGY from the girls and the judges, televised on VH1 and I demand my own Shopping Couture with Schatar from the VH1 network immediately.

At a minimum, Mo'Nique should have said, "Schatar if I am wrong about this, I will offer you an opening act on tour with me, the way I offered Goldie to go on tour with me and implied assistance to Krazy about her CD."

My millions of fans would appreciate a publicized apology from the judges and the girls on the reunion show.

Also, VH1 can develop and air a show starring me called Shopping Couture with Schatar. I would look forward to collaborating with a reputable production company contracted with VH1 to develop and bring this show starring me to air within the next 6 months.

Schatar Taylor
www.myspace.com/MONEYBANKSMUSIC

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 8:37 AM

5.08.2007

Quick Quotes

Double the pleasure, double the tangled eye! You know you love it.

"I am the Tiger Woods of the screen. He calculates his moves and goes towards the winning stroke. That's exactly what I did. It was about being strategic and knowing your opponent."

"Also I played a gang leader on 'America's Most Wanted.' Thanks to our episode they were finally able to apprehend the criminals and finally bring justice. As an actress you must be versatile. Just like the greats like Halle Berry, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner. You have to be versatile to play the role."

"I am not a gold-digger. But I do believe in abundance and prosperity. I believe in living a lush life with couture and I try to live each day to the fullest." -- Schatar "Hottie" Taylor speaks candidly to BV columnist Jawn Murray

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 12:56 PM

4.23.2007

Throwing Shade

The Last King of Wonkland In Cape Town, South Africa

Whenever Forest Whitaker's wonky eyes are covered the planets align, squirrels hum "Zippity Doo Da" and pixie dust falls from the sky. Enjoy this magical moment while you can because he will be back to his normal, tangled ways before you know it.

Keyshia Cole & Lorena Cartagena (Fat Joe's wife) At Mansion In Miami, 4/20

Keyshia a/k/a Assless Chaps wearing a pair of sunglasses inside a nightclub may not be a big deal to you but it is enough to make me pace the floor at night clutching my pearls.

Is she hiding from the flash of the paparazzi's lightbulbs? Did she accidentally poke one of her pupils while trying to apply eyeliner? Did Youg Jeezy blackout during a session of love making and serve her ass up with a two piece special? What in the I-wear-my-sunglasses-at-night hell is really going on?

Scott Storch & DMX Also At Mansion

I'm not even chartering into this territory on a Monday morning.

Labels: From The Fabulous Desk of Freshdre Leon Talley, Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 10:22 AM

4.17.2007

Way To Go Ol' Wonky Eye!

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for tangled eye mankind.

Forest Whitaker snagged Oscar, Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild trophies this year for his role as Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. On Monday he cemented his winning streak with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Guests included Kiefer Sutherland, Angela Bassett and Whitaker's wife, Keisha, and three daughters, Autumn, Sonnet and True.

The ceremony came the same week as the DVD release of The Last King of Scotland.

Not to take away from his day but they have been giving stars away like free crab rangoon samples in the mall's food court. I'm receiving one next month.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 11:17 AM

3.22.2007

The Eyes Have It

Eve At Self Magazine Hollywood's Tightest Bodies Party
Like other countless women across the globe, Eve has perfected the art of showing raw emotion with her eyes. Ole! You can send over a gift basket to the judging panel of America's Next Top Model later.

The eyes are the windows to the soul but if you ask me they are becoming more like sliding patio doors. And I'm totally fine with that. The Last King of Wonkland brought tangled eyes back to the forefront earlier this year to the dismay of some celebs who were trying to disguise it. You can't stop the sun from shining, just deal with it. If your eyes are cocked like a pistol stand up and be counted tonight!

Just be prepared to get laughed out the room.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 12:18 PM

2.27.2007

TMI! TMI!

Forest Whitaker's ex-girlfriend Monique Miller told UK tabloid News of the World that she is still in love with the star and hopes that they will reunite one day.

"He was not the best looking man in the world. He was hardly a typical movie star - - slightly overweight and with a lazy left eye (She didn't have to mention his wonky eye - - Fresh) . But he made up for it with his magical personality. He was the earth, the wind and the sea for me and always took my breath away."

Monique recalled how she helped teach her shy lover about sex because he'd been a school nerd, unsuccessful with girls. She said: "I had great fun showing him the ropes in bed . . . and he was a quick learner. It was amazing. He made every inch of my body tingle with lust. Forest was incredibly romantic. Many nights I'd come home to find he had run me a bath, put rose water in it and lit candles. We'd strip off, slide in together and make love in the water."

'Make my body tingle with lust.' I have a feeling we have another ghetto Danielle Steele on our hands.

After the birth of their son Ocean the couple drifted apart. Get it? Ocean, drift . . . nevermind. The remainder of the article talks about her discovering condoms and going on a rampage while Forest ate pancakes in bed and other details no one probably cares about.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 1:53 AM

11.16.2006

The "Say Something Nice" Challenge

Schartar "Hottie" Taylor @ The Paris To Hollywood Luxury LifeStyle Collection Fashion Show

I quit this bitch.

Labels: Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

POSTED BY FRESH @ 12:55 PM

10.31.2006

Glamour Magazine Honors The 2006 Women of The Year

Bless Rosario's wonky eyed heart. She looks like has been ~~slapped~~ touched by a special ed angel. Meanwhile, Catherine Zeta Jones is laying on the Queen's chesticles like they are a twin pair of Serta mattresses. I'm telling Michael Douglas!