BREAKING NEWS: FREAKY ZEEKY IS DANNIELYNN'S FATHER
Now you know that's a lie but it's the only way I could give the guy a shout. I've been meaning to do it for a while now.
Larry Birkhead is the proud papa. Surprised much? Me either.
When my both my cell and home phone began ringing simultaneously I almost went into cardiac arrest. Was my Ma in an accident? Another obscure relative back in the clink? Blue Belle Ice Cream stopped manufacturing Chocolate Brownie Overload? Lord give me a sign!
Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern just became Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead.
After six months of legal wrangling, DNA swabbing and accusations of fraud, a genetic expert announced in a closed-door hearing in Bahamian court Tuesday that the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child is Larry Birkhead.
"I told you so!" a triumphant Birkhead said to applause outside the courthouse, adding with hands held high that his DNA was a "99.9999 percent" match.
"I'm excited," said the Kentucky native. "I'm happy to start a life with my daughter...Things are moving quickly here."
Howard K. Stern, the man listed as Dannielynn's father on her Bahamian birth certificate and the girl's sole parental figure since Anna Nicole Smith's death two months ago, said that he would not contest Birkhead's right to custody. (source)
Not only is the good new for Larry but also for me. I made a friendly $50 wager with The Dealer that LB was indeed the daddy. I'm looking forward to making it rain in the Dollar Store tomorrow. Chek soda for the entire class, oh yeah.
Use don't abuse (ie. adding me to your site's mailing list). And for the love of God please stop sending mp3 files of your music. I am not Clive Davis and to be frank I probably don't want to hear the shit anyway. You should also know that I take my slow, precious time responding to email. And sometimes I don't respond at all. Fresh.email@example.com
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