CRUNK + DISORDERLY // IT'S ONLY ENTERTAINMENT!

6.29.2005

National Coon Convention Recap Notes

- As soon as The Fugees hit the stage I an automatic smile spread across my face. I was happy to see that they had worked whatever differences it is that they were having with each other out. They went on to perform a melody of songs in which Lauryn Hill did not sound like herself at all. Its bad enough she was on stage looking like a black pilgrim but her voice wasn't the same at all to me. I even heard of say that "maybe we got a little overzealous at rehearsals" while they were performing. She also did do a good job of scooping up an earring which flew off in the middle of a routine so all wasn't lost.

- Upon their arrival on stage Will and Jada gave a nod to the movie Coming To America which was very cute to me. The wheels on the carriage had spinners, the flower girls tossed money, and they looked impecable. It's just too bad that their hosting capabilities weren't that hot. Yeah, they didn't suck completely but it's not like they did a lot of presenting either. Their presence was not that of Mo'Nique or Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer. You can't fuck up what you didn't do so they passed the exam, just barely though. And what was up with Will keeping his white suit on for what seemed like forever while Jada had at least two wardrobe changes? I was happy when the brother finally decided to take that shit off . . .

- During the course of the evening BET had a few fuck ups one including not having the presenters walk out on stage with the envelope containing the winner's name in it. Some negro would have to shuffle his ass across the stage from the back and hand it to the presenters. Hated it! Another thing I didn't dig at all and I thought was just so tacky was the use of the very top of the stage as a revolving billboard. When I first saw Nick Cannon's new movie I was like "Okay, maybe he's about to come out or something" and then they cut to commercial. Next thing I knew, Fat Joe's ass was up there for All or Nothing. I finally figured it out though; they probably paid BET for advertising their projects. And you know us niggas ain't gonna turn no money down! (Yes I realize how many grammatical errors the proceeding sentence had but there was no other way to explain.)

- As I stated before, the performances were lackluster in my opinion. I switched back and fourth from the award show to the draft during those moments.

- The Game put me to sleep early on with his stage presence. I actually booed at the screen while he stood up there mumbling the lyrics to "Dream". In the middle of "Hate It or Love It" when his center stage prop lifted up and revealed Mary J. Blige I was so excited. Mary has been my shero for years but um, what was up with her hair. Either way she killed it in my opinion and scared little Harlem at the same time. Game owes Mary for having her save his ass.

- Missy Elliott is one of the most innovative people in entertainment so he shows usually mirror that sentiment. The video for "Lose Control" is one of my current favorites for the sole fact that there is so much taking place. I also love to see her and the dancers get down. This performance was alright I guess. Nothing special. Ciara also came out on stage and did her thing. I still think she might very well be a man but hey, as long as Bow Wow likes it.

- I've never been apart of the whole John Legend movement so I switched to the draft as he sung "Ordinary People". By the time I did change my channel back Stevie Wonder had picked up and was singing. I know I'm going to hell for this but Stevie's mouth looks ridiculous. He has what I like to call "pube mouth". A syndrome where the facial hair resembles pubic hair. Anthony Hamilton also suffers from this affliction. Any who, I love Stevie regardless so the duo was nice.

- Beyonce 'nem gave out free lap dances to Nelly, Magic Johnson, and Terrance Howard. I'm not going to go into detail because I'm a chick and I would have rather had some sexy, oiled down man give me one so there. All I gotta say is my best friend and I noticed that Michelle's heels wasn't as high as Kelly's and Beyonce's. Hmm, I wonder why . . .

- T.I. was boring. I went to the bathroom while he was on stage.

- I personally loved the energy behind the gospel performance. Now my black ass can't tell you who the hell it was up there, but it was crunk. I was just disappointed to see that the audience wasn't that into it. They can stand up and cheer for some bullshit and not the Lord. Damn shame. Fantasia looked ghetto as usual. I also noticed that during this performance these negros at BET decided to have the promotional ad for Webbie at the top of the stage. You know, the nigga that raps the girl gimme that pussy song. That's just sad.

- The cast from Fresh Prince of Bel Air decided to show up. Who the fuck cares? We see ya'll everyday on Nick At Nite. Plus, the original Aunt Vi wasn't apart (or little Nicky) so ya'll could've stayed wherever ya'll was at. Plus, why did the second Aunt Vi have on that tight ass dress? Can you say girdle?

- Mariah Carey had the worst backdrop in my opinion because it looked like my senior prom decorations. A night in paradise to remember and shit. Anyways, she also looked like she was afraid to walk out on that dock and I don't blame her. That shit looked faulty as hell. She also gave the appearance of another break down at the end of the set so I was relieved when she got her ass off stage.

- Omarion gave a sneak preview for You Got Served 2. If you look close enough you could also see that at the end of his routine that he never made it back under the stage. He and that chick were just positioned all fucked up while the props closed in front of him. Boooo!

- Thank Jesus for Gladys! Gladys showed all of those rookies how the shit was supposed to be done after Faith Evans and Toni Braxton got their asses off the stage. Is it me or did Toni wear that dress a few years ago to the Grammy's? And Faith looks funny now. Anyways, Gladys was the shit. My favorite performance of the night!

- Tributes to Johhnie Cochran, Ossie Davis, Ol Dirty Bastard, and Rick James was given throughout the course of the evening. The tributes to Johnny Cochran and Ossie Davis were eloquent and well spoken. But black folks can't ever get it right, enters Wu Tang Clan. This wasn't the whole clan of course. I didn't remember seeing Method Man or U God on stage but it was a pretty nice representation. As they camera angle changed and a picture of Ol Dirty was shown I wondered why in the hell they didn't pick a better picture than that. It finally struck me that it wasn't like Ol Dirty had a lot of them to choose from.

Teena Marie looking a hot, steaming mess as usual, gave a heart warming tribute to Rick James. If you remember, last year's award show was the last time we saw Rick perform along with Teena. I thought Teena was at Def Poetry for a quick second there when she started getting into it. Still beautiful words nevertheless. But yo, why did the audience give Rick a standing ovation and no one else. Once again, ya'll niggas can stand up for Rick James and not Ossie, Johnnie (who helped some of ya'll criminal asses out), or God?

- Bob Johnson, no one cares about what you have to say. And DAMN Michael Jordan looked crispy as hell last night while I'm thinking about it.

- Mike Jones performed ya'll. BET must have been pretty strung out. But his performance was the funniest of them all I swear. Okay, you know rappers like to toss cash into the audience like its nothing? One of Mike's weed carriers decided to say "fuck that son!" and proceeded to pick up the loose bank.

- Stevie Wonder is the shit! Good ol pube mouth danced along side Fatima Robinson and some other chica becoming my second favorite performance of the night.

- Ciara was the last performance. It was boring, I changed the channel.

So that's my commentary on the Coon Convention last night. Hopefully I didn't bore you too badly.

Quick Photo Op

- Hey you guys, the gang's here! And don't they look so happy together?

- Pauletta looks crazy as hell.

- What does Teena Marie and Remy Ma have in common?

- What happened to Chingy's forehead?

- Black women, we got to do better.

- Another glimpse at Stevie's pube mouth.

- B-list celebs were also in the building.

POSTED BY FRESH @ 5:54 PM

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